The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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