I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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