My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
