I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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