Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
