i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Randomize
