Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
