Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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