Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize