my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
