hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
