There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
