If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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