Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
