I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
