I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He felt like a one man threesome
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
