giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
