How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
