How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
