would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
