he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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