Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
