Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
