I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
