I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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