problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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