Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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