I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
