when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
