She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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