First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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