I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm going to jail i love you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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