don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
