R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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