News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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