I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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