I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize