Moan for me like Helen Keller
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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