I hate your face
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is wine microwaveable?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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