We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
