it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
