umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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