your parents love me but you hate me
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
