just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
