haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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