Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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