eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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