I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
