fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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