Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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