I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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