you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
