I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
