dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
