I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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