He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
