Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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