ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
