i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
