This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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