He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
