i wish my penis had a tongue
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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