I want to walk on stilts...naked
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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