So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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