All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
