I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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