You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
