Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dear god my vagina.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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