What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
