some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
