at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
