Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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