the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
