how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
