she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
