I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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