I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
