i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
