I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
