So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
