MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
