I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
