i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
