Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
