she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
