I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize